ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
