I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
