dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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