I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
