just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
