I puked a lego.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
God I need to hump something, right now.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
