Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
