you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
