i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
