i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
