I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
