Already got asked if we're dating
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
