My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
