Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
