Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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