Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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