If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i think i have two assholes
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
