i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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