woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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