please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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