Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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