Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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