You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize