Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
