Little spoons don't ask big questions
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
