I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Randomize