You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
