he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
