i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
