is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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