you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
