Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
