i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
