Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
