I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize