JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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