Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Your dad touched me again.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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