we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
