I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
