Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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