I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
