Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
