I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
