My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
