omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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