I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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