Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she pinky promised me she was 18
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
