I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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