Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize