I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize