He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
