youre lurking in front of me
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
