I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
