The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
