I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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