I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize