I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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