omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
