I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
