just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
