eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
