white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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