Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
