Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
