now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
