After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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