Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Ketchup is God's man juice
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
