just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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