plz talk dirty to me
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
