why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
