I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
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