Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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