I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
