Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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