and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Houston, we have a blender
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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