I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
