Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
