I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
