So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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