You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
