bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You left your underwear on the fireplace
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Randomize
