I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
