D3 body, D1 cock
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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