Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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