It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
