I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
