Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
