i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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