so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
